Last week, scientific research Megacorp Aperture Science, revealed that the famed Portal Gun – the enrichment centres’ most famed product – is made by a second party, during a public statement.
Despite the design and hardware being hypothesised, and originally tested by a team of esteemed researchers at Aperture Science, it has been confirmed that the second party responsible for production of the Portal Gun, is none other than, the multinational conglomerate company, Sony.
If not for the exposure of Aperture Science founder, and former CEO Cave Johnson’s will and testament, this company-rupturing classified information would not have become public knowledge.
“It is my greatest failure knowing that myself and my teams here at Aperture Science were unable to produce such a technologically advanced product, that would leap us into a universally information-based future.” Continuing, he states: “Our Headquarters was approached by four men, dressed in all black, leather gloves and heavy-looking suitcases – real professional looking folks, people you could trust your life’s work with. The spontaneous meeting I shared with these men lasted only four minutes; They made a fantastic deal.”
“Sony really know their business.”
Furthermore, confidential informants claim that after the trial conducted to discuss the heinous crimes of current Aperture Science CEO, GlaDOS, Sony was acquitted of all charges and accusations, given a court pardon.
Perhaps Sony has more unresolved ties with the research centre than we originally thought.
There it is – Sony turns out to be the real manufacturer of the Portal Gun. Readers, are we really surprised?